Yawn. Awards.

Okay, I'll make this quick. I know that these things are always boring unless you're in the running, in the audience, or expecting to hear your name mentioned in someone's thank-you list.

Cormac McCarthy's The Road and an audio edition of To Kill a Mockingbird are among the winners in the third annual Quills Award. Here's the night's real surprise, though: The awards ceremony will be aired on television October 27. Not because America cares about quality literature/books on tape, but because Steven Colbert is hosting.

Mr. McMarthy's The Road has also won the 2006 James Tait Black Award for fiction. Wtf is the James Tait Black award, you ask? Only Scotland’s most prestigious and the U.K.’s oldest literary award. Note: No celebrities.

My homegirl, and the only woman over 70 I'd cheat on my girlfriend with besides Elizabeth Taylor (What? I like 'em crazy. I'm a masochist.), Joan Didion, will receive the 2007 Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters for her "outstanding achievements as a novelist and essayist." This is, of course, for her memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, and not for the truly great books she wrote 30 years ago that the literary community was too pussified to recognize.