New Bits, In Brief

Sir Salman Rushdie, aged 60, and his 36 year old wife, Padma Lakshmi (host of TV's "Top Chef") are getting divorced. Rumors abound that Sir Rod Stewart and Sir Elton John rebuked Rushdie at a recent knights of the round table meeting 'for shagging a bird as ol' as the Queen 'erself.' This was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back, an untimely addition to the day to day troubles that the couple was already experiencing resulting from A SIXTY YEAR OLD HOBBIT SHACKING UP WITH A HINDU GODDESS HALF HIS AGE.
In related news, middle aged women everywhere have doubled the fatwa offer originally placed on Rushdie by the Islamic extremists. You go, girls!*

Bran Castle -- a.k.a. Castle Dracula -- is up for sale. The former home to Romanian psychopath Vlad the Impaler is expected to fetch upwards of $135 million. Rushdie oughta consider making an offer. It would make a fine place to stow away his next fountain of youth/sacrificial virgin/trophy bride.

*Veils up, though, when you do.