Monday, June 15, 2009

The Monday Menagerie: Bookish Burials

Let's start this off subtle: A small 'book in hand' carved atop an otherwise ordinary gravestone. This actually reminds me a li'l of the top of Market Street Bookshop's sign. Via.

This second one's a bit busier, but it tells a story that will be instantly recognizable to all the moms and dads reading this. It portrays a woman trying to distract her daughter with a doll so that she can continue reading her book. (Well, what do you expect her to do? Just look at that stack of unread books still waiting for her on the end table!) Via.

Although the height of these shouts, 'Look at me! Look at me!', they're both pretty classy and understated -- at least compared to what's coming up next. Via here and here.

It's only in the past fifty years that the tombstone industry started to lose its tasteful touch, yet they already handle tackiness like old pros. Take this granite monolith, for example. Sure, black is chic, but this thing looks more like a 52" flatscreen than a book. (Then again, maybe it's supposed to be an eBook.) Via.

Wowzers! Someone wanted to waste their kids' inheritance. Those Greek columns scream nouveau riche, but then, who else is gonna buy one of these things? Oh, and check out the restraint used when choosing a font size. The Stefanazzis made their name three times bigger than the name plate! Via.

Smart shoppers take note: This one's big enough for your whole book club. And don't underestimate the 'lasting legacy' factor. Long after your remains have been eaten by earthworms, skateboarders from all over the world will still be visiting your grave, doing ledge tricks on your tombstone.

Besides the overbearing opulence, unbridled hubris and inarguable waste of space, do you know what I hate most about these expensive, granite grave markers? The way that the books are always opened to the half-way mark. To me, that signals either one of two things. If the book represents the dead person, it's sorta like saying that they lived an unfinished life. And if the book represents a, well, book, then it means the deceased dies before they got to finish it. And that's gotta suck! That's why I'm closing this week's Monday Menagerie with this one -- cuz it evokes a feeling of completion. Via.