News Bits, In Brief

The New York Times reports that the Harry Potter phenomenon has had little long term effect on kids' reading habits. (Surprise.) To try and keep the wee ones interested in literature, the BBC hath commissioned an animated advertisement for Charles Dickens. (WTF?) You want to know what I think would hook teens into the totally radical world of x-treme bookin'? Some Bret Easton Ellis videogame adaptations from the folks who created the Grand Theft Auto series. (Holla-lujah!)

For those of you looking for a second reason to emigrate to Canada: their books prices are about to drop.
Update: Unpack your bags. While regular book prices in Canada will go down, comic book prices have gone up.
Updated update: Re-pack. Turns out, it's only Marvel Comics' prices that have gone up. The last great book that they put out was canceled in 2004.

Somewhere in her 247 recently discovered letters, Flannery O'Connor offers this tip to writers: "You would probably do just as well to get that plot business out of your head and start simply with a character or anything that you can make come alive. Wouldn't it be better for you to discover a meaning in what you write rather than to impose one? Nothing you write will lack meaning because the meaning is in you."
Yeah, but I went to Syd Field's seminar, and he says that writers need a three act outline and a strict adherence to the 27 minute rule. And he's rich! (Proving once again the old adage that 'Flannery will get you nowhere.' Ba-dump-bumb.)

Reclusive Nobel Laureate Publishing Latest Novel Online

By Veronika Oleksyn
Associated Press
Published July 4, 2007

VIENNA -- By some measures, Elfriede Jelinek's world is small. The reclusive Nobel literature laureate cloisters herself inside her homes in Vienna and Munich, Germany, and rarely ventures out in public.

But online, the Austrian writer -- who suffers from what she has described as a "social phobia" -- connects with ease to people around the world. Little wonder, then, that she chose to debut her latest novel on the Web rather than in bookstores.

"I find the Internet to be the most wonderful thing there is," Jelinek said in an e-mail interview with The Associated Press. "It connects people. Everyone can have input."

Jelinek, 60, has been posting chapters of the new book, "Neid" (German for "Envy"), as she writes them. The first two chapters of the work she describes as a "mixture of blog and prose" are already available on her site, www.elfriedejelinek.com, and there are more to come.

"It's a wonderfully democratic method, publishing a text on the Internet," Jelinek told the AP.

Link to Elfriede Jelinek's website

(From the AP, published in The Chicago Tribune, linked to via: Boing Boing)

News Bits, In Brief

The estate of Ian Fleming is flogging a horse, a dead horse.

Did Jim Morrison die in a bathtub in Paris, a nightclub restroom, or all of the above? (The truth is apparently more Weekend At Bernie's than Oliver Stone's The Doors.

Authors tired of tour buses and cruise ship signings are now heading...to Wal-Mart? Yes, who needs integrity and pride when you've got a pharmacy, hair salon and yellow trash bags full of stale popcorn all in one dirty-diaper scented superstore!

Via The Comics Reporter: Joss Whedon's first Runaways comic is now online. Read it for free, then buy the second issue at your local bookstore or comic book shop.

Rock 'N' Roll Book Reviews

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon by Crystal Zevon
From Bloomberg.com: "When Warren Zevon was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 2002, the rock star ordered his manager, Brigette Barr, to exploit his illness in any way that might bolster his soon-to-end career. In those last months, Zevon recorded a final album, 'The Wind,' which included a version of Bob Dylan's 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door.' He told friends he wanted to die quickly to help it get nominated for a Grammy. (It won two.) He returned to heavy drinking, after 17 years of sobriety, and begged Crystal to write an honest biography with nothing airbrushed out, she says. She apparently took him at his word. I'll Sleep When I'm Dead describes how Zevon, who died in September 2003, aged 56, minimized sleep and maximized drugs, guns and women. He toted a .44-caliber Magnum, beat his wife, raged at his children and lamented his commercial failure compared with acquaintances such as Jackson Browne and Don Henley of the Eagles, the book says. The book balances this lurid account with Zevon's good side: A hard-working songwriter, Zevon is hailed as a genius by celebrities throughout the book. Browne says Zevon had 'literary muscle.' Bruce Springsteen cites his dedication. Stephen King, Gore Vidal, Bonnie Raitt and David Crosby add their praise. Crystal reports that Zevon was dismayed when 'Werewolves of London,' written as a throwaway, was chosen as a 1978 single over more crafted alternatives such as 'Tenderness on the Block.' The book shows how Zevon produced magic in the studio, though it's less insightful about how he could even function. Taken together, it makes an eloquent case for the rocker's reassessment and rehabilitation."

I Like Food, Food Tastes Good: In the Kitchen with Your Favorite Bands by Kara Zuaro
From PopMatters.com: "The book’s formula is simple: Zuaro takes us through many types and portions of food, from morning through late at night, and writes a short preface for each recipe about both the band and the food in question. Most entries also include quick words from band members, but the most entertaining include lengthier quotes or, even better, recipes fully written in a band member’s distinctive voice. Zuaro’s cookbook...marries an independent, DIY ethos with the sometimes exotic, sometimes wearying rock-and-roll touring lifestyle. In her introduction, Zuaro explains that she started collecting rocker recipes after realizing just how much the sometimes-literally starving artists she interviewed as a journalist appreciated food."

Let's Spend The Night Together by Pamela Des Barres
says Entertainment Weekly: "Des Barres profiles two dozen fellow band-aids in an exuberant attempt to rehab the word groupie, from harlot to muse. The veracity of these raunchy tales is up for grabs, but the claims of Kurt Cobain's cross-dressing and Chuck Berry's scatological obsession are scandalously entertaining. The tone of Let's Spend the Night Together seems to be celebratory — one fan admits to having sex with 30 musicians in one night — but the utter emptiness of these women's lives emerges most clearly, even if they don't believe they've been used. 'They wanted us there,' says one woman of her music idols, 'and they treated us like goddesses.'"

Redemption Song - The Ballad of Joe Strummer by Chris Salewicz
From The Guardian UK:
"The blindly evangelical phase of my Clash obsession came to an end sometime during their seven-night residency at the Lyceum in the autumn of 1981. For the first time it seemed that one of us, and maybe both, was going through the motions. I missed the White Riot tour and had spent four years making up for it. Acquiring a copy of the limited edition "Capital Radio" EP meant that pension planning would be something for other people. (In fact they fetch about the same £50 today as they did a quarter of a century ago.) Wresting possession of one of Topper Headon's drumsticks from a scrum of skinheads at a gig in Cardiff - monogrammed "Topper's Boppers", which was a surprise - was to get hold of a holy relic.
The Clash fizzled out ignominiously a few years after that underwhelming night at the Lyceum, having morphed into the Clash Mark II, aka "the dodgy Clash". But looking back I still don't find that four-year crush - for that is what it must have most resembled - embarrassing. During those years the Clash, and Joe Strummer in particular, changed lives like no band since and very few before. Those lives might well have changed again a few times, but that extraordinarily potent combination of idealistic heart-on-sleeve leftwing politics, perfect pitch musical heritage and impeccable rebel style was utterly irresistible to a certain sort of male who came to musical consciousness sometime in the late 70s. When Strummer died aged just 50 in 2002 it was easy to pick out plenty of other paunchy, greying fellows looking lost and misty-eyed.
Chris Salewicz's huge new Strummer biography captures well this sense of loyalty and loss. As an NME glory-days writer he draws on his semi-insider status - Strummer called him "Sandwich" - to provide a dogged soup-to-nuts detailing of the life. It can be hard going, but we learn a lot. Strummer's diplomat father wasn't quite the toff of legend. Strummer's despised public-school background provided him with very little in the way of an education. (Although his charisma and apparent self-confidence see him neatly fit into the tradition of former public schoolboys who rise to the top of radical organisations.) His politics came from the pre-punk 70s squatting and pub rock scenes - "more Merry Prankster than disciplined socialist". But the hippy reinvented himself in Brigade Rosse and H-Block T-shirts. And this being the Clash, there were not only songs, but also policies and edicts. However, as Salewicz puts it, Strummer was always the "personification of Carl Jung's view that all great truths must end in paradox". Despite the strident right-on-ness, he still went through more women than he did guitar strings. And that famous Telecaster was pretty battered. In 1983 the Clash were paid half a million dollars to headline an American festival. They performed beneath a banner that read "Clash Not For Sale". And just as Strummer wasn't really leading a revolution, he wasn't even really leading his own band. Mick Jones, despite his "Radio 2 tendencies", provided both musicality and a guilt-free, working-class radicalism that was disastrously missed when Strummer ousted him in 1983.
For someone who so persuasively urged communication, Strummer was apparently uncommunicative about his own insecurities. His elder brother - who had become obsessed with the occult and Nazism - had committed suicide. Strummer had his own propensity for depression. In the years after the Clash he acted in films, wrote soundtracks and fronted for other bands. But he had taken seriously his impossible role of filling the political and cultural voids of his followers and he soon found himself drifting, with an awful sense of self-awareness, into the limbo world of someone who used to be the voice of a generation.
The way Salewicz tells it, Strummer found a route back via the hippyish camaraderie of camp fires at Glastonbury, domestic stability and his new band, the Mescaleros, earning their own critical respect. The title of the book echoes a late collaboration with Johnny Cash on a Grammy-nominated version of the Bob Marley song, and five weeks before he died Strummer was joined on stage, for the first time in 19 years, by Mick Jones at a benefit for striking firefighters. The Clash were always masterful at shaping their own mythology and here was the circle made complete: Strummer at last at peace with both himself and his legacy. Salewicz deploys a vast weight of fact and opinion to point up this upbeat conclusion and, despite the nagging sense that he is wishing as much as knowing, you can't help but pray that he is right."

For five separate excerpts from Redemption Song, head on over to PopMatters.com via this link.

Have You Ever Read A Foreign Novel And Then Accidentally Written With An Accent?

I recently read two wonderful books: If on a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino (translated from Italian) and A Reading Diary by Alberto Manguel. Because I read one book after the other, I was struck by how prevalent and important translated literature is to each author. Manguel wrote, "The ignorance of the English-speaking reader never ceases to amaze me." He is alluding to the fact that so few books are translated into English and even the ones that are get missed. There are occasional surprise bestsellers like Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky, and the Nobel Prize winner Orhan Pamuk's books all sell well, but mostly after he won the coveted prize. From a bookseller's perspective, it seems American readers are missing a whole world of books!

In the Book Babes column, Ellen Heltzel and Margo Hammond, the book editor of the St. Petersburg Times, each wrote a piece about foreign lit from opposing perspectives. Click here to read that article and check out their smart observations about the book industry.

Featured below are two excellent sites that encourage reading without borders:

Words Without Borders
"...Today, 50% of all the books in translation now published worldwide are translated from English, but only 6% are translated into English. Words Without Borders opens doors to international exchange through translation of the world’s best writing — selected and translated by a distinguished group of writers, translators, and publishing professionals — and publishing and promoting these works (or excerpts) on the web."

Reading the World
Now in its third year, Reading The World is an exciting collaboration between booksellers and publishers interested in bringing international voices to the attention of readers like you.

News Bits, In Brief

Reading In Bed, a British survey of frequent book buyers, found that 85% of those asked read in bed every night, "with only 8% citing the enigmatic 'something else' as their favourite activity in bed." Please, people, the next time you're asked, LIE! Tell them that you and your significant other read as foreplay, or as part of the afterglow, or better yet, claim that you're only reading books about the 'enigmatic something else.' We're trying to nix the negative nerd stereotypes and make bookstore employees the new socialite supermodels and/or literate lotharios.

The BBC has launched a web page where you can hear poets read from their own work, and it's not emo kids reading MySpace odes to themselves, either. They've got Ogden Nash, W. H. Auden and Sylvia Plath among others.
Update: Apparently, Sylvia Plath has a MySpace page. For some strange reason, though, I suspect a hoax. For one thing, isn't she dead? And another, wouldn't the real Plath use more sad-faced emoticons?

Hemingway's home is overrun with six-toed cats, and the city of Key West thinks it's purr-fect! Seeing as how Bob Barker has retired from The Price Is Right, maybe he oughta take his 'have your pets spayed and neutered' shtick on the road -- to Florida, for starters.

If We Still Used Whale Oil, Nantucket Would Be As Wealthy As Dubai (And No One Would Ever Mention Building Wind Farms)

Eric Jay Dolin's Leviathan: The History of Whaling in America was released in bookstores this past week, with two great beasties to contend with:
1. The fact that every book ever written about whaling -- fiction or non -- will inevitably be compared to Moby Dick.
2. The fast-approaching final installment of the Harry Potter series. There's still two weeks to go, but it is already sucking up the majority of America's book sale dollars like the immense whirlpool left in a diving whale's wake.
As the type of reader who sympathized with Ahab, I'd like to toss a floating coffin or two the underdog's way. Here's some links related to Dolin's book.

The New York Sun has nothing but kind words for the book, while adding this interesting aside to readers horrified at the idea of whaling: "Today's reader, taught by decades of save-the-whales activism to regard the slaughter of whales as a particularly gruesome form of exploitation, is inclined to join the whales' celebration. (In fact, the party was premature: As American whaling declined, Russian, Norwegian, and Japanese fleets took up the slack.) But Mr. Dolin, whose environmentalist credentials are impeccable — he is the author of the Smithsonian Book of Natural Wildlife Refuges — recognizes that modern taboos won't help us understand the history of whaling. He 'seeks to recreate what whaling was,' he writes, 'not to address what it is or should be now.'"

Author John Steele Gordon reviews the book for the Wall Street Journal. He digs it plenty.

The Los Angeles Times reviews it favorably, saying, "Leviathan will appeal most to history buffs and ocean lovers. Occasionally, readers may get lost in the details — it can be a bit like reading Moby Dick without the narrative — but what details they are! Exotic locations, colorful characters, melodrama and gore aplenty, but also food for thought."

To hear the Dolin read from Leviathan, click here.

To visit his website, stab your harpoons here.

Jazz Messenger by Haruki Murakami

I never had any intention of becoming a novelist — at least not until I turned 29. This is absolutely true.

I read a lot from the time I was a little kid, and I got so deeply into the worlds of the novels I was reading that it would be a lie if I said I never felt like writing anything. But I never believed I had the talent to write fiction. In my teens I loved writers like Dostoyevsky, Kafka and Balzac, but I never imagined I could write anything that would measure up to the works they left us. And so, at an early age, I simply gave up any hope of writing fiction. I would continue to read books as a hobby, I decided, and look elsewhere for a way to make a living.

The professional area I settled on was music. I worked hard, saved my money, borrowed a lot from friends and relatives, and shortly after leaving the university I opened a little jazz club in Tokyo. We served coffee in the daytime and drinks at night. We also served a few simple dishes. We had records playing constantly, and young musicians performing live jazz on weekends. I kept this up for seven years. Why? For one simple reason: It enabled me to listen to jazz from morning to night.

I had my first encounter with jazz in 1964 when I was 15. Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers performed in Kobe in January that year, and I got a ticket for a birthday present. This was the first time I really listened to jazz, and it bowled me over. I was thunderstruck. The band was just great: Wayne Shorter on tenor sax, Freddie Hubbard on trumpet, Curtis Fuller on trombone and Art Blakey in the lead with his solid, imaginative drumming. I think it was one of the strongest units in jazz history. I had never heard such amazing music, and I was hooked.

A year ago in Boston I had dinner with the Panamanian jazz pianist Danilo Pérez, and when I told him this story, he pulled out his cellphone and asked me, “Would you like to talk to Wayne, Haruki?” “Of course,” I said, practically at a loss for words. He called Wayne Shorter in Florida and handed me the phone. Basically what I said to him was that I had never heard such amazing music before or since. Life is so strange, you never know what’s going to happen. Here I was, 42 years later, writing novels, living in Boston and talking to Wayne Shorter on a cellphone. I never could have imagined it.

When I turned 29, all of a sudden out of nowhere I got this feeling that I wanted to write a novel — that I could do it. I couldn’t write anything that measured up to Dostoyevsky or Balzac, of course, but I told myself it didn’t matter. I didn’t have to become a literary giant. Still, I had no idea how to go about writing a novel or what to write about. I had absolutely no experience, after all, and no ready-made style at my disposal. I didn’t know anyone who could teach me how to do it, or even friends I could talk with about literature. My only thought at that point was how wonderful it would be if I could write like playing an instrument.

I had practiced the piano as a kid, and I could read enough music to pick out a simple melody, but I didn’t have the kind of technique it takes to become a professional musician. Inside my head, though, I did often feel as though something like my own music was swirling around in a rich, strong surge. I wondered if it might be possible for me to transfer that music into writing. That was how my style got started.

Whether in music or in fiction, the most basic thing is rhythm. Your style needs to have good, natural, steady rhythm, or people won’t keep reading your work. I learned the importance of rhythm from music — and mainly from jazz. Next comes melody — which, in literature, means the appropriate arrangement of the words to match the rhythm. If the way the words fit the rhythm is smooth and beautiful, you can’t ask for anything more. Next is harmony — the internal mental sounds that support the words. Then comes the part I like best: free improvisation. Through some special channel, the story comes welling out freely from inside. All I have to do is get into the flow. Finally comes what may be the most important thing: that high you experience upon completing a work — upon ending your “performance” and feeling you have succeeded in reaching a place that is new and meaningful. And if all goes well, you get to share that sense of elevation with your readers (your audience). That is a marvelous culmination that can be achieved in no other way.

Practically everything I know about writing, then, I learned from music. It may sound paradoxical to say so, but if I had not been so obsessed with music, I might not have become a novelist. Even now, almost 30 years later, I continue to learn a great deal about writing from good music. My style is as deeply influenced by Charlie Parker’s repeated freewheeling riffs, say, as by F. Scott Fitzgerald’s elegantly flowing prose. And I still take the quality of continual self-renewal in Miles Davis’s music as a literary model.

One of my all-time favorite jazz pianists is Thelonious Monk. Once, when someone asked him how he managed to get a certain special sound out of the piano, Monk pointed to the keyboard and said: “It can’t be any new note. When you look at the keyboard, all the notes are there already. But if you mean a note enough, it will sound different. You got to pick the notes you really mean!”

I often recall these words when I am writing, and I think to myself, “It’s true. There aren’t any new words. Our job is to give new meanings and special overtones to absolutely ordinary words.” I find the thought reassuring. It means that vast, unknown stretches still lie before us, fertile territories just waiting for us to cultivate them.

The preceding was stolen whole from the pages of the New York Times, July 8, 2007.

When Refusing To Do Something Counts As Actually Doing Something, The Shiftless And Inert Become The Upwardly Mobile

There was a time when authors would travel the world, courting death in order to have something to write about. Hemingway went to Spain during the Spanish Civil War. Darwin sailed to the Galapagos Islands in pre-Dramamine days. Superhead worked her way up and down the East Coast having sex with every major label rapper since Kool G Rap. Lately, though, the opposite seems to be true. Authors are now writing books based entirely upon adventures that they didn't embark upon (Doing Nothing: A History of Loungers, Slackers, and Bums in America), foreign products they didn't buy (A Year Without 'Made In China'), and packaged foods they didn't eat (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle).

And this is supposed to be interesting how?

Reading is the lazy intellectual's secondhand way of experiencing life. Books are supposed to transport us places we normally wouldn't go and show us things we otherwise would not have seen. I am able to not shop at Walmart on my own. In fact, I do (not do) so daily, which seriously dampens any interest I might have in reading a book about someone else also (not) doing it. Oh sure, there are some sales to be made to the type of folks who need to have their lives mirrored back to them, but aren't most readers seeking perspectives and experiences unlike their own? Aren't they looking to be challenged and enlightened instead of just mentally masturbating with one metaphorical hand while patting themselves on the back with the other? Publishers would do well to reassess their current methods of unnatural selection, or they risk losing some of their audience to an all-new anti-adventure: readers not reading their books.

Bookcase Chic: Lining The Catwalks Of Milan

Sick and tired of trying to live a hip, modern lifestyle while surrounded by the same old-fashioned bookshelves your great-great-grandmother used to own? Check out these daring new designs, all of which are guaranteed to make your books look bolder, cooler and sexier -- and you along with them.

This $1,899 See-Saw design from BCXSY stands a little over a foot off the floor, comes in a walnut finish, and is sure to make you the envy of all your friends...if your friends are seven year olds. Creepy!

Nothing's sexier than curling up with a good book. Except maybe being forced to -- GRRRRROWL! This next model, The Cave, is great for the s&m shut-ins, as well as those of you living in areas prone to earthquakes. For a change of pace, fill the shelves of The Cave with a bunch of Pepto Bimol-colored books (as pictured), and wa-lah! It's got all the charm of a sanitarium library.

Ooh, look at this hulking beast of a bookcase. Talk about tall, dark and cumbersome! The Eurocentric Bibliochaise holds "up to 5 meters of books," comes in a variety of garish colors, and doubles as a state sanctioned, eco-friendly alternative to the electric chair: the paper cut seat.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. 'But I'm insane and wish to show it to the world via a bookcase that is at once a cry for help and also a desk/chair combo. Is there something like that out there for folks like me?' Of course there is, you silly lunatic. Broken Shelves has just what the doctor (should have) ordered, and in gloomy goth grey, to boot.

This last number is perfect for those of you who only own ten to twenty books, but wish to proudly display your relative illiteracy for the whole world to see. The Pop Bookcase comes in an unsettling, Rainbow Bright-inspired palette, and would be the very definition of 'style over substance' were there even the smallest bit of style displayed in its design. The word 'egads' comes immediately to mind.

Gone Fireworkin'

New Bits, In Brief

Sir Salman Rushdie, aged 60, and his 36 year old wife, Padma Lakshmi (host of TV's "Top Chef") are getting divorced. Rumors abound that Sir Rod Stewart and Sir Elton John rebuked Rushdie at a recent knights of the round table meeting 'for shagging a bird as ol' as the Queen 'erself.' This was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back, an untimely addition to the day to day troubles that the couple was already experiencing resulting from A SIXTY YEAR OLD HOBBIT SHACKING UP WITH A HINDU GODDESS HALF HIS AGE.
In related news, middle aged women everywhere have doubled the fatwa offer originally placed on Rushdie by the Islamic extremists. You go, girls!*

Bran Castle -- a.k.a. Castle Dracula -- is up for sale. The former home to Romanian psychopath Vlad the Impaler is expected to fetch upwards of $135 million. Rushdie oughta consider making an offer. It would make a fine place to stow away his next fountain of youth/sacrificial virgin/trophy bride.

*Veils up, though, when you do.

The Surgeon General Warns: You're Not Just Reading That Book, But Also Every Other Book That That Person Has Ever Read

Tuberculosis, smallpox, SARS, and the common cold are all possible side effects of bookcrossing -- a hip, new, media-invented trend wherein folks leave their recently read books lying about as gifts for like-minded strangers. Tech geeks (this means YOU, dear reader) can even register their books online and then track their journeys from reader to reader, city to city, country to country. (Or you can always just check the Center for Disease Control for recent outbreaks stemming from your region.)

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year (cue: gunshot sound fx)

It's the 4th of July weekend, and the tourists have arrived on Cape Cod en masse. Actually, it's the first of two 4th of July weekends, as this year America's birthday falls on a Wednesday, granting it a party that stretches out over an entire week, like Mardi Gras and/or the major holidays in the life of a child with divorced parents. The pictures of the cars stuck in traffic coming over the Bourne Bridge were horrific no matter how you looked at them. In light of current events, it brought to mind the cars abandoned on the highways of New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. If you preferred to look at it through Hollywood's viewfinder, the sight resembled a George Romero film where the zombies had all learned to drive and were now heading to the Cape to eat the tanned flesh of the Kennedy kids. If you were a local, you simply swallowed your vomit and tried to look away.

I imagine the Wampanoags, the original inhabitants of the area, must have felt a similar feeling of woe when the Mayflower first came over the horizon. No longer were they autonomous humans with lives of their own, but complimentary, make-shift tourist bureaus, living solely to give detailed directions to their easily distracted, ADD-afflicted interlopers. I'm sure that the pilgrims had a lot of children who needed to go to the bathroom/have a glass of water/wanted to sit and read books for free with no intention of purchasing them, too. And they were guests, dammit, so why shouldn't they be allowed to? Is it documented anywhere whether the first words out of John Smith's poorly cared for mouth were "Do you have public restrooms?" or "Where's a cheap restaurant where I can get 5 star seafood?" Cuz I've got $5 riding on the first one and I'd really like to collect.

For a small business owner, the tourist season is (seppuku on) a double edged sword. Sure, the money is flowing (well, it was...pre-recession), but so is the unasked for criticism from folks who will most likely never return. Oh, you like espresso and think we should add a coffee shop to our bookstore? That is what you said, right? Because I could barely understand you as you stuffed your face with the complimentary coffee and cookies we laid out for *ahem* paying customers. You say your daughter self-published a novel about a girl who dreams of becoming a writer? Well, gosh darn it, why are we wasting our time planning Harry Potter events when we could be stocking up on print-on-demand books that there is absolutely no demand for? While I agree that having Alice Sebold, Michael Chabon and the cast from Grey's Anatomy in to do a group signing would be nice, I'm afraid that that has already happened. Last week. Sorry.

Another headache is the ludicrous expectations that many of these folks wash ashore with. In what bookstore, save one on the Harvard campus, would you be able to walk in and purchase a specific volume of untranslated 1970's Swedish psychology texts? And yet there are people walking in with requests as ridiculous as this every hour on the hour. You try to let them down easily, (a free cookie is a good way to start), but they will often take offense, as if you purposefully didn't have the book in stock just to make the writing of their thesis paper that much more of a challenge. What's worse is that they then tell you, "I'll try Borders," and then ask you for directions! I offer to tell them how to get to the Massachusetts border and leave it at that.

As strange as it sounds, I am actually able to take some small solace in the fact that the tourist season is still only beginning. Cuz come late July, all of the stuff that threatens to drive each and every one of us locals insane inevitably starts to seem less annoying and more a part of everyday life. The memories of traffic-free side roads fade away, as does the urge to treat crosswalks like checkered flags at the Indy 500. You actually begin to smile at customers -- are they still called customers if they're not buying anything? --when they yell at you and your staff for not allowing pets to roam the aisles unattended, as you know that the experience will provide fertile fodder for countless columns while bookstore blogging in the slower months. I don't have the proper psychology book handy (I think it's one from the 1970's), but I believe they call this Stockholm Syndrome.

Hmn...Stockhlom. Now there's a place I'd like to visit someday.

(The second photo is actually of Falmouth, England, but I thought it apt considering the secession celebrations currently taking place.)

Note: For a longer, funnier critique of local tourism, check out Marcia Monbleau's wonderful The Inevitable Guest: A Survival Guide to Being Company & Having Company on Cape Cod.

Bookstizzore Contizzest

Pimp My Bookcart is a contest open to bookstores everywhere. The rules are simple. Decorate your store's bookcart in a manner befitting Superfly's six-tres, take a couple of pictures (a nice, professional Sears portrait with the woodland backdrop couldn't hurt) and send 'em on in to the mackadocious folks at unshelved.com. First prize is a Smith System Book Truck with Dividers -- retail value $314 -- and a $250 gift certificate to the Unshelved Store. Second prize is a Highsmith Double-sided Book Truck -- retail value $223 -- and a $50 gift certificate. Runners-up get $50 gift certificates and the sad realization they are not true pimps. Baaaallin'!

Pretty Soon Godzilla Is Not Gonna Have Any Bookstores Left To Stomp On

From Wired.com: "Chaco types furiously on her cell phone keypad, stopping only to take an occasional puff of her Seven Stars menthol cigarette. But she's not sending a text message. She's writing a novel.

Chaco is becoming one of the most popular mobile phone novelists in Japan. We don't know much about her -- except that she's a twenty-something Pisces from Osaka -- but we do know that she can spit out books faster than Danielle Steel. In the last 14 months, she wrote five novels, including her best seller, What the Angel Gave Me, which has sold more than 1 million copies to date.

A mobile phone novel typically contains between 200 and 500 pages, with each page containing about 500 Japanese characters. The novels are read on a cell phone screen page by page, the way one would surf the web, and are downloadable for around $10 each. The first mobile phone novel was written six years ago by fiction writer Yoshi, but the trend picked up in the last couple years when high-school girls with no previous publishing experience started posting stories they wrote on community portals for others to download and read on their cell phones.

Next summer, the company will debut software that allows mobile phone novelists to integrate sounds and images into their story lines. Adding visuals and vibrations to romance novels' steamy sex scenes could bring the genre an even wider audience."

They Better Not Touch The Size Of Thor's Hammer!

Via: Comic Book Resources: The world of mainstream comics has taken its first steps towards acknowledging the existence of a female readership. DC Comics' Justice League of America #10 made internet headlines today when it was revealed that Power Girl's breast size had been reduced from the ridiculous to the merely unbelievable. This may not seem like much to most of you, but it's the comic book equivalent of that magic moment when Al Jolson first realized, 'Hey, maybe performing in blackface is offensive to some people.'

Hip Hop Lit

When I first started listening to rap music in the late 80's/early 9o's, it seemed like every MC had a favorite book or two that they would name drop incessantly in songs and interviews. On the East coast, rappers were pushing The Autobiography of Malcolm X and pamphlets detailing the teachings of Brother Clarence 13X. Out West, Eldridge Cleaver's prison memoir, Soul On Ice, was the undisputed book of choice. It was a time when even so-called 'thugs' boasted of their continuing self-education, and artists with thoughtful, literary lyrics were often those with the highest sales. KRS-ONE spoke frequently of the period of his life spent homeless, and how much of that time was passed holed up in various New York libraries, reading voraciously. Public Enemy brought a 'minister of information' and a 'media assassin' along with them on tour, and stressed the need to study not only the writings of the politically and socially conscious, but also the works of the less-enlightened opposition. (It was through P.E. frontman, Chuck D, that I first heard mention of Willie Lynch's disturbing-as-it-sounds how-to treatise, Making Of A Slave, and you can just imagine the looks of disgust a fourteen year old White boy with a shaved head garnered while ordering this book at the local bookstore). A few of the other groups stressing the importance of reading in regards to self-empowerment were Brand Nubian, The Poor Righteous Teachers, The Wu-Tang Clan, Nas and the X-Clan (writer Sonny Carson's son, Lumumba a.k.a. Professor X, was a founding member).

My how times have changed. These days, you're more likely to hear a shout-out for Phil Jackson's autobiography than Malcolm X's, and starting a clothing line has long since replaced the dream of spearheading a revolution. That's not to say that there aren't a few artists still stressing brains over ballin'. Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Dead Prez and Immortal Technique spring immediately to mind. What's sad is that these artists are now viewed as 'underground' or 'alternative.' The hip hop mainstream, by and large, has become as shallow and tepid as its rock'n'roll counterpart. But like Coach Jackson says, things move in cycles. There's still a slight chance that politics and poetry will return to mainstream rap. Until then, we can enjoy the current crop of books being published by writers who came of age during the early days of hip hop, writers who grew up believing that in order to express oneself to the fullest, they must also expose themselves to the widest variety of influences -- not just in music, but also in literature. These writers are a part of the re-emerging hip hop intelligentsia, and are managing to achieve mainstream success without dumbing down their delivery. Listed below are a few of their books. I highly recommend them all.

Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip Hop Generation by Jeff Chang
From the book's website: Based on original interviews with DJs, b-boys, rappers, graffiti writers, activists, and gang members, with unforgettable portraits of many of hip-hop's forebears, founders, and mavericks, including DJ Kool Herc, Afrika Bambaataa, Chuck D, and Ice Cube, Can't Stop Won't Stop chronicles the events, the ideas, the music, and the art that marked the hip-hop generation's rise from the ashes of the 60s into the new millennium.

Bomb the Suburbs by William Upski Wimsatt
Written more like a collection of fanzine entries than a typical piece of non-fiction, Wimsatt covers topics as varied as train hopping, graffiti, rapping, breakdancing, train hopping and grassroots political activism -- all from the vantage point of someone who was there, actually participating in it before they ever thought of writing a book about it.

Ego Trip's Book Of Rap Lists by Sacha Jenkins, Elliott Wilson, Chairman Mao, Gabriel Alvarez & Brent Rollins
From E.T.: If the editors of Mad were hip-hop heads, they might produce a book as funny, irreverent, and indispensable as this one. It's just as well that they're not, since the obsessives at rap fanzine ego trip have already assembled what may be the most readable, humorous, and enjoyable tome about rap music and culture extant. Within these pages is a wealth of fascinating trivia and arcane knowledge. Several hundred howl-inducing entries -- including ''# of Times the 'N' Word Appears on N.W.A's Albums,'' ''8 Songs About Body Odor,'' and ''Rap Artists Who've Survived Shootings'' -- constitute a funky fresh and decidedly def history lesson. One proviso: If there are other rap fans living with you, you may want to keep this ultimate bathroom book in the living room.

Unbelievable: Life, Death & Afterlife of The Notorious B.I.G. by Cheo Hodari Coker
Coker conducted quite a number of interviews to flesh out this detailed and surprisingly even-handed biography of the late, great 'rap Alfred Hitchcock.' In an interview with the Stanford Daily, Coker says, "B.I.G. was the one person, where through his life you could explore the history of hip-hop. When you look at his art, its more than just a gangsta rap record, it is about Reagan-omics and drug use in the ’80s, and how that affected the content of hip-hop. I wanted to show who it is he was, but not shy away from the Biggie who pulled guns, smoked weed and had more girls than any man should. When he got big, he was not only able to have music change his life, he brought in the people from the corner and showed them that instead of risking your life for $20,000, I can get you $20,000 a show.”

The Wu-Tang Manual: Enter the 36 Chambers, Volume One by The RZA
Designed to look like a school text book, it was written with a similar goal: to educate like one. The Wu Manual not only gives the history of the Wu-Tang Clan's members, the group's formation and their brief domination of rap, it also dissects their work and highlights their wide variety of influences. The RZA discusses everything from Eastern religions and martial arts to vegetarian diets and Times Square in the early 80's. This is the sort of book that ends up costing you a lot of money in the long-run. Not because of its cover price, but because of all of the movies, music and books that it mentions that you will be curious to track down and experience for yourself.

Queens Reigns Supreme: Fat Cat, 50 Cent, And The Rise Of The Hip-Hop Hustler
by Ethan Brown
From The Onion AV Club: Ethan Brown's compulsively readable new page-turner Queens Reigns Supreme explores the ways in which the dope game and the rap game have inspired each other in Queens, documenting how the crack kingpins of the '80s gave way to the rap superstars and moguls of the '90s and today...Many of the kingpins Brown documents embody a compelling, ultimately fatal combination of street savvy and stupidity, like the crime boss who was smart enough to launder his drug money through seemingly legitimate businesses, but shortsighted enough to name those fronts, and himself, after Al Pacino's iconic Scarface gangster. Queens Reigns Supreme is full of juicy anecdotes, telling details, and larger-than-life characters, like the boss who had his car custom-made to dispense oil slicks and clouds of smoke, having seemingly gleaned the idea from a few too many lazy afternoons at the arcade playing Spy Hunter.

Generically Titled Collection of Randomly Assorted Links

David Foster Wallace fans wonder: Are these really his top ten novels?1 Will this flurry of online controversy leave Houghton Mifflin similarly second-guessing Wallace's picks for The Best American Essays2 of 2007?

The first image from the upcoming film adaptation of Maurice Sendak's Where The Wild Things Are has popped up on the internet via Mtv.com. The film is directed by Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation) and adapted by Jonze and Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, What Is The What).



The Brontë sisters' childhood home nets a withering price -- £178,000. That's only £12,000 more than the historically insignificant house next door sold for last month, say the gossips at the Guardian UK.

Comics scribe Warren Ellis is set to release his first novel, Crooked Little Vein, next month. He discusses the transition with Newsarama.com and Publisher's Weekly.

Angsty, Fight Club-worshiping teens will have already punched their fists through their flatscreens before getting this far, but the rest of you can click here to see a video of Chuck Palahniuk on 'The Hour' with George Stroumboulopoulos. Among other things, Palahniuk reveals his trick to writing emotionally distraught characters realistically: hang out at hospital emergency rooms and steal people's ticks.


1. Without all of those footnotes, it's hard to know when D.F.W. is being serious or just joshing.
2. D.F.W. is co-editing this year's B.A.E. anthology.

Author du Jour: Brent Runyon

The Inkwell Bookstore is dedicating all of today's links to Brent Runyon, author of the critically acclaimed autobiography The Burn Journals and the recently released novel Maybe. Reprinted without any care for copyright is a brief note from the author, found on his publisher's website:

"I don’t know if I would be a writer if I hadn’t, when I was fourteen years old, set myself on fire. I think I probably wouldn’t be.

I think doing that to myself — lighting myself on fire, burning away eighty-five percent of my body and then somehow living through it. I think doing that to myself took me out of my life as a teenager. It made me an observer, and much more introspective.

One of the first things I started doing — after I got well enough to go back to school — was start working on a novel. It wasn’t very good, of course, but it was good for me. It was supposed to be about a boy who’d made a terrible mistake when he was young — in the book he killed someone else - and then spent the rest of his life trying to undo that mistake.

It’s probably pretty obvious that I was writing about my own regrets, but at the time I thought I was making stuff up.

As I work on my writing now, all these years later, I’m still surprised at how deeply my writing is connected to the parts of myself I’m unwilling to confront. And when I write about those unspoken things, those embarrassments, those dark and terrible secrets, and put them on the page, I’m still surprised at how easy it is for other people to understand them.

That, for me, is the greatest thing about being a writer. Making those connections and relating to other people who’ve felt the same things I’ve felt."

Here is a one minute clip of Mr. Runyon introducing his autobiography as part of the 'Meet the Author' series. (Brent, I apologize in advance for the open-mouthed screen cap that is freeze-framed below. I assure you it is all the doing of those millionaire Google folks. If offended, please direct your lawyers their way.)


To read an excerpt from The Burn Journals, click here.

To peruse a few pages of Maybe, dab your cursor here.

Runyon is also known for his work in public radio. Below are links to two different clips he produced for NPR.

1. Lost and Found Sound: Loons

2. Shake Marilyn Monroe

Perhaps less well known, but no less worth knowing, is Runyon's secret life as a rock star. To hear his solo acoustic version of Public Enemy's 'Bring The Noise,' click here.

Magical Boys Dying Mystical Deaths Are A Part Of Everyday Life: Explaining Mortality To Your Soon-To-Be Grieving Child

Word on the street is that Harry Potter is heading to heaven (or hell, depending upon your church's feelings regarding the damning qualities of practicing witchcraft and/or the use of the phrase "bloody hell"). This ill portent has normally sensible publications addressing predictably overly-protective parents' fears as to how they are supposed to deal with their child's possible reaction to a fictional character's death. Apparently, just saying 'It's only a book' and then trusting them to understand this is a violation of the parent-child contract (see below), and a sure fire way to inspire your young'un to writing reams of best selling misery lit in the years to come. Experts -- and those falsely claiming be experts -- now warn that just because your kid has read thousands of pages of fiction in the past couple of years is no reason to assume that they possess any real intelligence. No, it's the responsibility of parents everywhere to call their kids down off of their flying broomsticks and explain to them that the entire Harry Potter series was, in fact, fake. Why none of these moms and dads had thought to do this six books ago is beyond me. Maybe watching their kids run face first into cement pillars at the subway station was just too much fun.

Anyway, the British newspaper, The Telegraph, has called in Michael Brody, a leading American child psychologist with a doctorate in imaginary medicine and apparently no concern whatsoever for his reputation among his professional peers, to draw up a three-point plan "to help parents comfort their tearful children."

No, seriously, they actually did. Here it is, reprinted without permission in all of its bold print glory:

1) Do not think that they will be scarred for life. Many parents today think that their children cannot experience any anxiety without rushing in, so they do not get any practice dealing with it. Reading a book where there is a conflict and terror is not the worst thing in the world. And the thing about reading as opposed to visual images on television is that it gives children time to process it.

2) Use the experience as a teaching moment. For younger children, there are two big mysteries: where do babies come from, and what happens when people die? If there is a death in the book, it is up to the parents to have a discussion. That said, the book may not be appropriate for very young children.

3) Do not say, "It's just a book!" You do have to make it clear that this is a fictional character, but to a child Harry Potter is very real, so his or her feelings are going to be very real. In some ways parents are going to have to deal with this in the same way they would with the death of a family member or pet.

Okay, so #1 sort of says what I was saying: that kids can handle it and that parents shouldn't worry themselves too much. (But wouldn't this negate the need for tips 2 & 3? My guess is that Dr. Brody is billing by the hour and feels it's only proper to give the newspaper their money's worth.) As for #2, I always figured that the particulars of sex and death oughta be broached in different conversations, but we're in the era of the Suicide Girls, so maybe I'm just old-fashioned. #3 seems stupid to me, though. Who's going to call in all of their extended relatives to help flush a book down the toilet? Wouldn't it be simpler for the Montessori schools just to take a day off of decoupage to address all of this? Besides segregating well-to-do children from their poorer peers and instilling in them an inappropriate sense of individual entitlement, isn't that the sort of touchy-feely programming that we're paying them for?

Now, I'm not gonna front. I'm no specialist in the loss of imaginary friends. But I've got a hell of a lot easier of explanation to offer your kids (who will, I'm sure, be wishing you were detailing the baby-making process to them instead). Tell 'em that when good people die, that they're not suffering. Tell them that so long as we remember them, that they're always with us, in our hearts. And then assure them that when fictional characters who have made their authors and publishers billions of dollars in royalties and merchandising rights are eventually written to death, it's a foregone conclusion that they will come back to visit us in prequels.

Original heads up: Movie City News
Photos by: Jill Greenberg

Crack is wack. Goodreads ain't!

A friend of mine recently invited me to create an account at goodreads. Once I examined the true glory that is this website (free, I might add) I began to foam at the mouth and break into a sweat that would even make Whitney Houston cringe. I am now a hopeless shell of a human being...not satisfied with my life until I can get to my computer for my next goodreads fix.

Here's what you can do at goodreads: You can make an unlimited list of the books you've read and want to read. You can sift through titles & editions by using their wonderful database...You can write reviews and rate your books. There are open forums for discussion...people ask eachother & respond to questions about themes, topics, characters...etc. You can make a personal profile that includes a picture of yourself, etc. (this is optional). There's probably more...but I'm having fun with those aspects of the site for now. Choosing the books to put on my shelves & creating shelf categories is enough to keep me occupied until I grow a beard and long fingernails like Rip Van Winkle. That was revolting. My apologies.

Also, you can meet people from around the globe! I haven't gotten the whole "friendster" element of it together yet, as I just created my account two days ago. Apparently, though, you can find friends based on their interests and book choices. What a marvelous way to meet someone!

Right now, I'm reading If On A Winter's Night A Traveler by Italo Calvino. There are many underlying stories within this marvelous novel, but one of its main themes puts me in mind goodreads.com, as it explores a friendship that blossoms due to two main characters' mutual interest in a certain book.

It's so wonderful to discuss books on such a grand scale! It's such an aesthetically pleasing, simple website. The only annoying aspect of it is that it seems to be connected in some way to Amazon.com's search engines...Also, it seems to support the big chain bookstores and I could give less than two craps about supporting big business...It's actually very frustrating and upsetting!Despite that rather massive flaw, I've managed to enjoy my experience on goodreads.com thus far.

Check it out if you're so inclined. I'm pretty sure you'll be hooked after the first five minutes.

Something Borrowed, Something New

Not that either of these books are going to have especially surprising endings (spoiler alert: innocence slaughtered!), but OJ's shelved slasher fic and the new Harry Potter have allegedly been leaked to the internet. Confirm your suspicions here and here.

He's A Terminator Like You, Right?

If brick & mortar bookstores thought that amazon.com and the internet was a threat, what will they think of the ominous object known simply as 'Espresso'? The Espresso is a vending machine which prints public domain books on demand. At present, it has over 2.5 million titles to choose from. It averages roughly two books every seven minutes, including binding and trimming. The $50,000 objet d'art has already been put into operation at the New York Public Library's Science, Industry and Business Library, with the New Orleans Public Library, the University of Alberta, the Northshire Bookstore in Manchester, Vermont, and the Open Content Alliance in San Francisco all clearing floor space to fit them in come the fall.
(all info via engadget.com: 1, 2)

Today's Links: Bacchanalian Book Reviews

Via The Scotsman.com: Tom Standage's A History Of The World In Six Glasses divides world history into the beer, wine, spirits, coffee, tea and Coca-Cola ages, seconding my suspicions that I am an ooold (hic!) soul.

Via Winespectator.com: The House of Mondavi, The Rise and Fall of an American Wine Dynasty by Julia Flynn Siler explores how the first family of wine's bitter feuds, self-imposed adversity and 'profits above all' thinking led to their demise. It sounds depressing -- you'd better have a drink on hand to help cheer yourself up.

Via Philobiblos: "Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life is on its surface the story of the successful attempt by the author and her family to live as locavores for a year - that is, eating, almost exclusively, foods that were produced within an hour's drive of their farm in Virginia (if not directly on the premises). This book is more than that, though - it's a clarion call for more sensible eating practices, an ode to cooking/canning/gardening, and a nicely-written account of an agricultural year (in Virginia, at least)."

Via Powell's.com: Recently deceased radio legend John Peel's recently released auto/biography, Margrave of the Marshes features funny, rambling anecdotes about himself and the the musicians he helped make famous. According to reviewer Rain Taxi, the book contains "more (anecdotes) per page than any other memoir I have ever read." A quickie: "Subjected during a television appearance to a duet between Aretha Franklin and George Michael, (Peel) remarked on camera, 'You know, Aretha Franklin can make any old rubbish sound good, and I think she just has.'"

Two from the 33 1/3 series*:
Via The San Francisco Bay Guardian: Kate Schatz tips her cap to PJ Harvey with her fictional novella, Rid of Me. Says reviewer Amanda Davidson: "It is a testament to her vision that the book doesn't follow the narratives of Harvey's songs too literally or linearly...but (instead) the text mainly draws from the music atmospherically."
Via Popmatters.com: Matthews Stearns' 'song by song, line by line, moment by moment' chronicling of the recording of Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation.
*Is it just me, or does anyone else see this series becoming the indie rock equivalent of those Star Wars extended universe novels? The fact that geeks -- whether their tattoos are nautical stars or Death Stars -- are usually obsessive completists and eager consumers hints at a similarly enduring future for both.

Children Read Comics. Discerning Connoisseurs Of Highbrow Literature Only Read About Comics.

Marvel is preparing to launch an anthology comic which will feature hot 'indie' cartoonists writing and drawing short stories featuring the big M's traditional stable of superheroes. Already signed on are Paul Pope, Johnny Ryan, James Kolchalka and Michael Kupperman. Editor Aubrey Sitterson talks about the project with Newsarama.com.

Optic Nerve creator Adrian Tomine is profiled in Publisher's Weekly.

Peter Milligan, the writer of such weird and witty comics as X-Statix, Enigma and X-Statix Presents: Dead Girl, has a new series coming out in July titled The Programme. For a brief description, head over to the DC/Wildstorm website.

Over at goodcomics.com, author Tim Callahan blogs briefly about the early work of Grant Morrison to promote his recently released book, Grant Morrison: The Early Years. Do y'all smell a sequel in the works? (Come to think of it, I smell a second sequel, as well. This one to be penned by Morrison himself, writing about the work he's yet to write but has already read while out gallivanting in his astral form.)

One Last Plug, For Those Who Prefer Their Pictures Without Words

The artwork in Colin Ord's book, Magic Moving Images: Animated Optical Illusions, has nothing to do with comic books. Still, it's so simple and cool I thought I'd pass on this brief video demonstration. (via:cartoonbrew.com)

Misery Lit: Making Its Authors Smile

The past ten years has seen a huge increase in the publishing of 'Misery Lit' -- lurid, true-life tell-alls often revolving around the author's rape or torture or self-mutilation or something similarly horrific. While the trend started off as an off-shoot of the traditional biography, it has since morphed into something much closer to pulp fiction...only without the fun dialogue, memorable characters and great cover art. While no one knows how long the trend will last sales-wise, the long-running success of The Jerry Springer Show attests to the number of folks who are ready and willing to write their woes for the world to read. After all, it's not only a therapeutic release, it's a possible money maker, as well.

Esther Addley has written a piece in the Guardian UK on the newly minted genre, and while she begins by trying to take a properly/predictably solemn approach to it, you can feel her suppressing the urge to call the lot of them a bunch of shameless, exploitative, self-aggrandizing exhibitionists throughout. Towards the end of the article though, Addley abandons any appearance of unbiased journalism and begins poking a bit of fun at the writers of Misery Lit, as well as their employers. Here's an excerpt:

"The only challenge for editors, in fact, is to find enough dreadful tales to feed the market. Happily, after their first book proves a surprising success, many successful authors, like Pelzer, find they have another volume in them. Kathy O'Beirne and Howarth are both currently writing sequels to their first memoirs. As for Glass: 'HarperCollins and the agent were saying, 'Have you got another story to tell?' and I said, 'Yes, I have got quite a few.'"

Yes, these suffering artists are "happily" discovering that they have "quite a few" untapped tragedies still left to write about, and their editors are delighted. That means that we as the weary and emotionally battered readers will soon have experienced enough secondhand horrors to write Misery Lit novels of our own -- about the reading of Misery Lit novels! Talk about the sexually abused snake eating its own drug addicted tail...

Retire Early

Looking to collect a few quick fatwa dollars? Salman Rushdie has been earmarked for knighthood. Dress like a palace guard and hide the weapon in your big caterpillar-looking hat.

Ka-pow.

Ka-ching!

Oh, and congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Rushdie.

Shades of Ambrose Bierce

Tom's Glossary of Book Publishing Terms is a witty collection of 're-definitions' reminiscent of Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary. Listed below are a few examples from his website.

EDITOR: A writer with a day job.

MAINSTREAM FICTION: The pretense that there is a group of readers who can be reached through writing that is sufficiently unspecific as to exclude no one.

NOVELLA: A short story that has not been edited.

LITERATURE: Designation applied to titles judged unsaleable.

AUTHOR: A large class of individuals (approximately three times as numerous as readers) serving a promotional function in book marketing or providing make-work for editorial interns.


After reading a few, the cynicism is catching. Here's one of our own:

INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE:

A tangible catalog for future online purchases.

A reasonably priced (i.e. free) alternative to Starbucks.

A privately funded Boys & Girls Club of America a.k.a. "A Place to Go Besides the Streets."

A Daycare.

A place to make a list to take to the library.

The only place besides Ebay that will sell your self-published memoirs.