Sunday, March 29, 2009

Special Weekend Update:
Book News, In Boston

The rumors started circulating last weekend, and by Wednesday, the story was all over the internet: Twilight fans at Boston Latin were viciously attacking their classmates, biting their necks and then drinking their blood.
On Thursday, school officials held a press conference to deny the allegations and calm concerned parents. With a pale pallor and unblinking eyes, they admitted that while Boston Latin may have a problem with classroom bullying, they've never had any documented cases of vampiric bloodletting. This must've sounded a helluva lot better in person than it does in print, because no sooner had the school officials ducked out of the sunlight than both the parents and the press dispersed, seemingly satisfied with what they had heard.
Thankfully, the mini-van Van Helsings at were treating this threat with the seriousness it deserved. In an effort to unmask the undead, they put together a quick quiz for kids confused as to whether or not their dreamy-looking classmates were actually vampires. An excerpt:
1. Does the Suspected Vampire (SV) disappear whenever sunshine breaks out?
2. If caught in sunshine, does SV dazzle like diamonds?
3. Does SV speak as though James Dean and Marlon Brando had a lovechild?
But will this be enough to curb the curse of cannibalistic immortality, or has it already spread beyond containment? Did this month's hemoglobin-heavy Hollister hoodies damn us to a Summer full of blood-splattered bikinis? And what happens when the second wave of Twilight fans -- the thirty-something 'cougar' crowd -- finally gets wind of this trend? Will fangs be bared at Forever 21?
Only time (and the success of the second film) will tell.

(Image swiped from