Thursday, April 2, 2009

Humorous Excerpts From Recent Comics Reviews

Chris' Invincible Super-Blog on Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #55:
Tarot won three awards, and not a single one of them was for Most Haunted Vagina. Instead, in addition to giving “Best Indy Villain” to a character who hasn’t been a villain in like eight years, the Internet voters behind Project Fanboy awarded Tarot both “Best Title” and “Best Indy Title.” Seriously. That actually happened. And one can only assume that it’s issues like this, wherein Tarot goes to the Witchity County Fair and divines the future by groping a naked woman with ouija board tattoos (with “Yes” and “No” on her breasts, naturally), that have convinced people that this is THE ABSOLUTE BEST THAT COMIC BOOKS HAVE TO OFFER.

Tucker Stone on X-Force/Cable: Messiah War # 1:
It's about a team of mutants led by Wolverine and Bosley'ed by Cyclops, watching them sent into the future to catch up with a time-hopping Cable and his ward, a fantastic little girl New Mutant the cover depicts as having 11 inch long legs, all so that they won't be caught by a guy named Lucas Bishop that used to have a curly mullet that made Lionel Richie's hair look subtle, and they have to watch out for a guy named Stryfe, who dresses like a professional wrestler with no sense of humor mixed with the metalworks empire of King Arthur....Keeping up with whatever the fuck this is supposed to be about ain't easy. They probably give Harvey Awards for that.

From Comics Worth Reading's review of Camelot 3000:
The space fantasy Camelot 3000, by Mike W. Barr and Brian Bolland, postulates King Arthur returning in the year 3000 in order to save the earth from alien invaders.
Strangely enough, that's not the humorous excerpt, but the po-faced plot summation. Here's the funny:
The dialogue is talky, with plenty of exposition, in the style of 80s comics. They were beginning to write for adults in those days, but they were still figuring out how to do it. Instead of trusting the audience to bring more to the table, often the approach was one of still explaining what the reader saw on the page but with bigger words and purpler prose.

Alright, so Mike Sterling isn't reviewing a comic here, but he is reviewing a listing from Diamond Comic Distributor's newest catalog:
Page 418 - Monopoly 1935 Deluxe 1st Edition. Released just in time for another Depression! Now that's good nostalgic marketing...oh, wait.

Semi-Related: Am I Seriously The Last Person On Earth To Realize That Watchmen's Laurie Juspeczyk Intends To Become The Comedienne?